Stupidity comes with a price
by Deemed.Insane
Summary: Like it says, stupidity comes with a price…reading this!WARNING: may cause loss of brain cells! 80 things characters shouldn't do and say. Just some fun.
1. 80 things Harry is not allowed to do

**Stupidity comes with a price**

**A/N Like it says, stupidity comes with a price…reading this! WARNING may cause loss of brain cells!!! ( If you really like all the HP characters I suggest you don't read this, it may be offensive) all characters are J.K Rowling. the text they are in is mine and the changes of characteristics are mine. many thanks to Brittanii (**** ) for coming up with half to 3/4 of them. thanks Britt ;) you're a great friend.**

80 things that Harry is forbidden/not allowed to do:

Being Harry I am unallowed to:

1). Serenate Lupin with "Blue Moon."

2). Or McGonagall with "What's new Pussycat."

3). I mustn't play with my wand in public, no matter how tempting.

4). I mustn't write about (or let anyone else write about) me doing so.

5). I will not compare wand sizes with Ron in public.

6). I mustn't round up Snape and Draco and get them to sing 'Three little girls from school' with me.

7). 'The Pink Prissy one' shall never be my name.

8). Ever.

9). NEVER EVER.

10). I will not write secret notes to Voldemort, Snape or Draco...no matter how important or giggle worthy.

11). I will not sing 'sex bomb' when ever a teacher or Dumbledore walks past.

12). I will not call Dumbledore 'gandoff'.

13). I will not charge into war against Voldemort naked not matter how much I know he wants me to.

14). I will not ask Dumbledore if he knew Jesus no mater how old he may be.

15). I will not steal Dumbledore's pensive to see if he was a dirty pervert.

16). I will not ask Dumbledore about the creation of the world...even if he was alive then too...

17). I will not ask him if he was alive when the dinosaurs where around and how he survived the comet no mater how interesting the conversation may be…

18). I will completely ignore the mirror that Sirius gave me until half way into the sixth book.

19). I will not refer to Sirius as lupins bitch nor vis versa.

20). I will not tell the fan girls that I'm gay.

21). even if it gets rid of them, as it causes fan boys to swarm.

22). I will not laugh at how accurate the slashy fan fics are.

23). I will not loudly explain my wet dreams in great detail in the great hall while everyone is eating.

24). I will not giggle every time someone says wand, and says how long theirs is...especially the girls...

25). I will not change the d to g in wand whenever my teacher is talking…or go thought the books in the library and scribble out the d and change it to g.

26). I will not serenate Dumbledore with 'forever young'

27). I will not fly around the Hall on my broom, and dive-bomb people...

28). I will not show people my 101 ways to use a broom stick in a way that's not quidittch.

29). or has nothing to do with quidittch…or flying

30). I will not order people to show me their wangs...I mean wands...

31). I will not show people my sketches of naked Voldy, Draco and Snape...

32). I will not give Ron makeup for Christmas nor will I give Hermione condoms.

33). I will not tell the whole school that Voldemort is my father.

34). or even that he is related to me.

35). I will keep my collection of Asian Porn to myself... Calling on Cho here...

36). I won't send Snape anonymous presents of shampoo and conditioner...

37). I will not attack Voldy with 'Super Orphan Power'

38). I will not use the line: if you were homework I'd be doing you on the table.

39). I will not do a freezing Hex on Ginny...no matter what the pleasurable outcome...

40). I will not ask Ron to show me his bludgers and broom stick.

41). I will not turn Malfoy into a ferret so he can run in my pants panicking while I am enjoying it.

42). I will not - in fact - turn anyone into a ferret so they can run in my pants.

43). I will not pash everything that comes past me. Not even if it would make for a nice slashy-picture.

44). I will not ask lupin how his stroll was last night if it was a full moon.

45). I will not make a voodoo doll of Draco, and a voodoo doll of Snape. I will also not make the voodoo dolls wrestle in honey...

46). I will not make the Snape and Draco voodoo dolls do anything sexual or sexual like.

47). I will not make a voodoo doll of myself, and make it join them in their 'discovery'

48). or one of Voldemort to also join them in the discovery/expedition.

49). I will not suck lollipops seductively in front of teachers...

50). I will not tell McGonagall that she takes herself to seriously.

51). or ask her if she would like me to take the stick out of her arse.

52). I will not cling onto fan girls. Because it will not 'give them a taste of their own medicine'.

53). I will not tell Voldemort I love him and cling to him.

54). I will not say tell Voldemort that he should wear more pastels.

55). I will not tell Voldemort to get a facial.

56). I will not hex Draco, Voldemort and Snape to sing 'Three little girls from school'

57). I will not become emo and dress in black saying how depressing my life is.

58). I will not tell McGonagall she needs to get laid.

59). I will not tell the entire school that I am, in fact an cute little fluffy evil bunny.

60). I will not send Snape shampoo for valentines day.

61). Or chocolate scented shampoo for Easter.

62). Or say loudly when ever Snape walks past: oh is that where my cooking fat/oil went?

63). I will not sneak up on Ron, or Draco or anyone else, and give them a pouncy-hug in greeting.

64). I will not try to hit on Draco by 'accidentally' flying into him during a quiddich game.

65). I will not ask Dumbledore if his beard is fake and attempt to pull it off.

66). I will not ask Dumbledore if he wears a toupee.

67). I will not tell Dumbledore to get into the fashion.

68). I will not run up to Dumbledore, sit on his lap and tell him what I want for Christmas.

69). I will not tear out Dumbledore's beard, and tell everyone he isn't really Santa

70). I will not enrage people on fan sites by saying that LOTR is better than HP.

71). I will not tell Dumbledore he needs a facelift or anti wrinkle cream.

72). I will not send Dumbledore presents, and pretend they were from McGonagall.

73). I will not tell everyone how enjoyable last nights 'detention' with Snape was…even if it was.

74). I will not bewitch my blow up doll to look like Snape. I mean...I don't have a blow-up doll...

75). I will not giggle when people want to touch my broomstick.

76). ...or when people ask to touch my broomstick.

77). I will not giggle when people want to ride my broomstick.

78). I will not giggle when people tell me to give my wand a wave, to see if it works...

79). I will not slap every person that stares at me. Because then the whole school would have a red cheek...face cheek of course...

80). I will not make a service out of my broom stick.

**A/N Hope you like it. and please don't get offended, it was meant as humor ok? and anyway - you're the one that read it after all my warnings. :)**

**oh, and 80 thing voldie is forbidden/not allowed to do is coming as soon as this gets up :)**


	2. 80 things Voldemort is not allowed to do

**Stupidity comes with a price**

**Like it says, stupidity comes with a price…reading this! WARNING may cause loss of brain cells!!! (PS. If you really like all the HP characters I suggest you don't read this, it may be offensive) again thats to britt for coming up with half of them:)**

Being Voldemort I am unallowed to:

1). Plot taking over the magical world with evil chocolate Easter bunnies of doom no mater how evil they may be.

2). Nor am I to use psychodelic mushrooms of DOOM in attempt of taking over the magical world.

3). Pink sparkly robes are not acceptable death eater robes.

4). Inviting Harry for a sleep over is not acceptable, even if you're only going to be gossiping and putting on make up.

5). No matter how cute it may be, we cannot change the dark mark into a psychodelic mushroom of DOOM.

6). No matter how much I think I am a cute little fluffy bunny I am actually the dark lord Voldemort.

7). No matter how adorable psychodelic mushrooms are; my death eaters will not dress up in giant foam mushrooms.

8). I will not bewitch Snape to tell me how to make a love potion, no mater how much I might need it.

9). Dragging my death eaters to go clothes shopping is not acceptable.

10). Practicing my avada kavada on Snapes' or lucius teddies is not appropriate.

11). Practicing ANYTHING on Snapes or Lucius' teddies is inappropriate.

12). Telling people that they own teddies is inappropriate.

13). Dancing to musicals, bollywood or otherwise, is inapprpriate.

14). I will not use adva kavada just cause I like the colour green.

15). I will not stare at Harry's eyes because I like the colour green.

16). I will not use adva kavada on the person who crucio'ed my teddy.

17). I will not cling to my teddy when the death eaters decide they want to watch Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.

18). I will not squeal and pray Harry doesn't die in the first task while clinging to my teddy.

19). I will not change the Death eater uniform to bright pink, purple and baby blue.

20). Or the slogan to: make love not war.

21). I will not change the theme song to 'On the good ship lollypop' or 'teddy bears picnic'

22). Hugging the chocolate Easter bunnies of doom isn't appropriate - they might melt.

23). Crying over melted chocolate Easter bunnies of doom isn't appropriate - you still have the mushrooms.

24). I will not send Dumbledore love letters, and sign them Harry Potter, no matter how funny it may be.

25). I will not where a black mask and tell Harry I am his father, or related in anyway.

26). Make friends, not foes is also an inappropriate slogan.

27). Squealing and jumping on chairs whenever I see my snake isn't at all appropriate.

28). Nor is jumping out of the shower naked and running into the hall to where all my death eaters are because I saw a spider.

29). Telling Snape he looks to gothic/emo is not, I repeat NOT a good idea.

30). Asking Lucius if you can brush his hair isn't exactly acceptable.

31). I will not throw shampoo at Severus. It isn't nice. Even though he NEEDS it.

32). Saying Lucius looks like repunsel then asking to braid his hair is also fairly unacceptable….but funny.

33). Asking my death eaters to play LOTR, and asking to play Frodo is unacceptable to the max.

34). Being the dark lord does not mean I am allowed to have anything I want. Even if I throw a tantrum.

35). And asking Lucius to play Leggilus(A/N is that how you spell it?) in LOTR is also unacceptable.

36). My name is not Jesus nor am i a sex god.

37). Quoting Howl's Moving Castle won't get me free plastic surgery.

38). Getting drunk at a Deatheaters party and going streaking isn't exactly a good idea.

39). Telling Wormtail he looks good in pink is not a good idea.

40). Pelting Snape with shampoo is also a very VERY bad idea.

41). Asking Lucius how he gets such wonderful hair is also not acceptable.

42). My milkshakes don't bring all the boys to the yard, however the dark mark does. (Why is the world so cruel!?!)

43). 'You like him, you want to kiss him' is also not a good thing to say around Lucius or Snape

44). Hexing Snape while he is drunk, 'having fun' and then giving him a mind wipe isn't acceptable.

45). Saying 'You too look soo cute together' is also a bad idea.

46). Saying 'You want some of this?!?!' has bad outcomes.

47). VERY bad outcomes.

48). Dreaming of a naked Harry is also not a thing to tell your death eaters.

49). Draco is NOT a sex slave. Repeat. Draco is NOT a sex slave.

50). Dreaming about one of your best death eaters sons is also not a good starting topic for your death eaters meeting.

51). Having group hugs make me look like a wuss.

52). Telling the fans I'm gay won't make fan boys swarm.

53). Asking who wants to see my 101 ways of using a wand is also not a good topic starter.

54). I will not attack Harry with 'the power of phycoldelic mushrooms of DOOM!!!'

55). Asking who wants to see my 'party tricks' is also a bad idea.

56). I will not crucio people who eat the psychodelic mushrooms of doom.

57). Or the people who eat the chocolate Easter bunnies of doom.

58). Saying 'No offence Lucius but my hair is better than yours.' is also a bad idea.

59). Especially when you have no hair.

60). Pole dancing/stripping to 'It's getting hot in here.' is not a way to cheer up my death eaters.

61). 'My humps' is NOT our theme song, however much I might want it to be. nor is 'My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.'

62). The uniform for the Death Eaters will not turn into a pink frilly g-string. No matter how much I want it to.

63). There is no such thing as a invisibility g-string or invisible robes.

64). I can't have dance-party sleepovers.

65). The Death eaters have no desire to watch me 'shake my groove thang'.

66). I will not send love letters to Snape signed Lucius or vis versa.

67). I will not send love notes to Harry signed Draco or vis versa.

68). No one cares what I'm going to do with all of the 'Junk in my trunk' or 'Ass in my jeans'.

69). Chaining Snape to my bed leads to awkward questions.

70). Asking which looks better on me? the pink or the purple? is not the best starter topic.

71). Putting a spell on my blow up dolls to make them look like certain death eaters of mine, and Harry Potter isn't the best idea.

72). Just because its national gay day does not mean we can 'frolic' around.

73). My death eaters do not want to sing 'Village People's greatest hits' with me.

74). National aids day is also unimportant and no we cannot frolic on that day either.

75). 'The Time Warp' is also not a song sung by my death eaters.

76). Charging into battle against Harry naked is also unwanted by many.

77). My death eaters do not want to play Barbie dolls and nor does Draco.

78). I know this is a repeat of an old rule, but; Draco is NOT a sex toy. Very important here. NO SEX SLAVE.

79). Hanging free is not what my death eaters want me to do.

80). I must not sketch chibies of my death eaters. No matter how cute Lucius would look with a massive head and eyes.

**ok done! YAY!!! hope you liked them... might do this to other characters...**


	3. Chapter 3

Things you'd never expect HP Characters to say:

Draco Malfoy: (plays seductively with Harry's tie/chest area ) Oh, Harry…

Harry: I wanna be evil…

Dobby: my preciousssss…. (stroking Harry's head while Harry's asleep)

Hermione: BURN BOOKS BURN!!!!!!!!!!!

Harry: I'm Gay (fan girls cry and run away)

Voldemort: Oh Snapie, come back to bed… (Singsong voice) (Snape slowly backs away)

Harry: Do I look like I think?!

Ron: Aww…isn't he cute Harry? (holds up a spider)

Sirius: Your father and I had such a special bond Harry that no one could replace…except Lupin. (Harry: o.O)

Harrry: Burn Broom BURN!!!

Voldemort: OH MY GOD, these robe make my thighs look the size of Texas!!!

Draco: My little pony, my little pony… (plays with My Little Ponies dolls)

Voldemort: (To Death Eaters) come on everybody. Group hug… I understand what you're going through… (Death Eaters: o.O)

Harry: I wish I was as good looking as Cedric…pity he died.

Voldemort: (To Death Eaters) Come on every body lets go SHOPPING!!! -squeal-

Malfoy: I wish I was more like Potter…

Voldemort: Do these robes make my butt look fat?

Harry: I love you Voldie (Clings to Voldemort)

Voldemort: (to Wormtail) Which should I wear the pink robes or the purple?


	4. Chapter 4

Draco: Come on Voldie...you know you want to...

Voldemort: Fine. But you have to too!

Draco. Okay. Five, six seven eight:

V, D and H: "Three little girls from school are we,

Pert as schoolgirls well can be,

Filled to the brim with girlish glee,

Three little maids from school!"

Voldy: Oh, Snapie…come back to bed…

Snape: WHAT?!? When was I ever in bed with – looks Voldemort up and down- that?

Voldie: you don't remember all the fun we had last night? –Unhappy sounding, pouts- (Voldie inside: good he doesn't remember. Damn I'm good with these memory spells, that's not all I'm good with….)

Voldemort: Draco, as you know, your father has been sent to Azkaban. And you will be needing to take his place in the Organisation

Draco: Yeah...okay..

Voldemort: first things first; strip.

Voldy: Draco, I need you do something.

Draco: what is it, Lord?

Voldie: Well, get on your knees and don't be surprised if you feel anything or a strange sensation

Harry: I'm going to get that Voldemort if it's the last thing I do...

Draco: But...what about meeeeee?

Harry: o.o"

Draco: oh, Harry(plays with Harry's tie/chest area)

Harry: Draco?

Draco: it's just you and me here all alone in this here carriage - all alone.

Sirius: I hate you.

Snape: I love you.

Sirius: I...wait what did you say!?

Snape: Uhh...I said what you said. I -mumble- you too, you scum...

Sirius: Riiiight...

Snape: -pounces and snogs-

Voldie: how about we play a game of Simon Says, Ok?

Draco: Ok, my lord.

Voldie: Simon says…. bend over.

-Draco bends over-

Vodie: Simon says take off your pants.

-Draco takes off pants butt baring at Voldie-

Voldie: now don't be alarmed if you feel anything or a strange sensation.

Draco: …you didn't say Simons says. –pouts-

Voldy: Draco, I need you to do something for me.

Draco: what is it, Lord?

Voldy: Well, get on your knees...

Draco: oh, Harry forgetting something?

( Holds up Undies)

Harry: Draco!!!!

Ron: Alright who here has kissed Ginny?

Everyone in room puts up hand including Hermione.

Ron: Oh, Shit.

Harry walks into Malfoy's room while he's asleep. Draco wakes up.

Draco: Harry WHAT THE HELL!!!

- hand over Draco's mouth and whispers-

Harry: Shhhhh…..don't ruin the moment.

Draco looks around alarmed.

Harry: I've waited my whole life for this…

Harry: not in your wildest dreams!

Draco: oh, I've had much, MUCH wilder… and I'm sure you can fulfil them as well….

Harry: o.O

Draco & Voldie: We're Barbie girls, in our Barbie worlds. We are spastic, made out of plastic!

Voldie: DRACO, I said you couldn't use my make up!!

Voldie: Aww wormtail you look so nice in pink

Wormtail: grr….-muttering- the things I go th….

Voldie: tut tut. As I thought, not as good as when you're naked.

-rips the robes off and, yeah…use your imagination-

Draco: Harry come with me!

-Drags Harry away from Gryffindor table and up to Astronomy tower-

Draco: How do I say this? I have to confess something…

Harry: Err…

Draco: Harry, I'm gay! And I think I love you!

Hagrid: 'Arry. Do these pants look tight on me?

Harry: no, they perfectly sculpt your legs and give your butt a nice well rounded ….Opps said to much didn't I?

Sirius: -wonderment- Lupin are you my bitch or is it vis versa?

Lupin: o.O WTF!!!

Ron: Harry lets dress up as giant spiders and try to have mad, giant spider sex!!!

Harry: Draco?

Draco: Yes Harry?

Harry: you're invited to a sleepover!!! tonight!!! 9:30pm!!!!

Draco: who's coming?

Harry: just you...

Draco:……

Harry: … -mumbled- and me...if I'm lucky

Harry: Ron I'm gay and I think I love you!

Harry: What's with all of the fan girls!?

Ron: at least you have fan girls!

(Draco walks into room with a black wig, green contacts and ripped clothing)

Draco: What...?

( all randoms are female)

Random person: HARRY POTTER!!!!!! faints

Random person2: OMG!!! ITS HARRY!!! faints

Random people: HARRY !!!!!!!! faints

Harry: People!! I'm GAY!!! OK?!?!

-All people stop what they are doing, mad rush of boys to Harry...-

Boys: HARRY!!! we love you!!!

Harry: -mumbles- shouldn't of said that...

Harry: Oh, Ron…I'm hungry….for more then just food…(plays seductively with Ron's tie/chest area)

Ron: o.O WTF?!? (slowly backs away)

Ron: the skies are blue, not a cloud in the sky. The birds are singing and the bees are trying to have sex with them to my understanding…

Harry: dude…lay off phycodelic mushrooms…

Draco: where did my foundation go!?!

Voldemort: what's the point in living if I can't be beautiful?

Draco or Voldemort: (singing into hairbrush twirling their hair) I'm a Barbie girl in a Barbie world…

Harry: Snape, umm look I need a Love potion…

Voldemort: Feel the wrath of……PINKNESS!!!!!!! squee

Voldemort: Harry's such a nice boy it's a pity I have to kill him…


	5. Chapter 5

Emma: lol I love Draco

Me: same

Emma: hehe

Me:-grabs Draco plushie- MINE!!!

Emma: -grabs Draco- MINE!!!

Me: -grabs Dracos other arm and pulls-

Draco: OWW!!!

Me: his MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Emma: I got him first. First in best dressed besides you like ronnikins

Draco: Physio Bitches let go of me!!!

Emma: lol

Me: NO!!!! Mine, screw first in best dress!!! -Tugs Dracos arm again- MINE!!! -Still

holding Draco plushie-

Emma: seeing as I have two hands to tug with - pulls at Draco and he falls into my

arms-

Me: -grabs Draco with both hands and tugs VERY hard- MINE

-Cue Harry walk past-

Me: HARRY?!?!?!?!

-Holds up Harry plushie doll and runs to Harry-

Me: MINE!!!

-Drags Harry away-

Harry: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Emma: hehe I get Draco

Emma: - squeal -

Emma: hehe -hug s Draco –

Ron, Fred and George walk past

Me: HUH?! RON, FRED, GEORGE!!!!

George, Fred and Ron - oh shit.

Me: -drags away Ron, Harry, Fred and George... -sniff, sniff- my collection is almost

complete - glares at Emma-

Emma: MINE -glares even more at Hannah -

Me: GRRRRR!!!!!! -Lunges for Emma and draco-

Emma: - moves self and draco out of Hannah's way as she falls to the floor... only to

be saved by a love struck Blaise Zabini? -

Me: yeah I can live with that - looks at Blaise adoringly –

me: if you love me you'll get me Draco - flutters eyes-

Blaise: I love you with all my heart as does my – ahem - friend - looks down -

Me: DAMNIT BOY GAT ME FRIGGIN MALFOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! –Yells and

points towards Emma and Malfoy-

Emma: no bloody way, he's MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! - Death glare -

Me: -bares teeth at Emma- GRRRR... -turns to blaise- please blaise, if you me then

will you get me Malfoy as a token of your love?

Emma: he's mine. You have every one else. Why can't you let me have just one hot

sex god?

Emma: pretty please?

Me: awwww...NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -Jumps at Emma and Draco again this time

getting Draco and pulling-

Draco: WAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! Leave me alone you freak!!!

Emma: I want Draco - sulks -

Dumbledore: Draco is allocated to Emma because Hannah is being selfish and has to

be punished.

Me: ahem -cough- Dumbledore have you not heard of collector's items? Hands Emma

a Draco plushie- hehe...here em, no hard feeling right?

Emma: I'll be happy if I get Draco and only then will there be no hard feelings

Me: -bottom lip quivers- but...but-

Blaise: you still have me Hannah!!

-Looks at blaise thoughtfully-

Me: hmmmm -looks down and blaise and Draco plushies-

Me: ok - hands over draco- - jumps into Blaise's arms- YAY!!!!!!!! BLAISIE!!!!!!!!

Emma: YAY DRACO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Me: I love u blaisie!!!!

-afterthought: and Harry, Ron, Fred, Gorge and Draco…..-

- Looks over at Emma and Draco-

Emma: hehe

Emma: now that was one WEIRD conversation

Me: lol, I know...


End file.
